Reactive to Proactive

How people keep themselves from getting what they want:

B.A.W.L.

Reactive, powerless behavior and attitudes:

Blaming- "It's not my fault." "I take no responsibility here." "They did it."

Avoiding- Denial or "Forget it!" "I'll do it when or after..." Addictive behaviors are included.

Whining-Repetitve complaining with no move to resolution. "Woe is me..."

Labeling- Judgement; Right/Wrong; Good/Bad. "It has to be perfect, now."

A.B.C.D.

Action- Move to PROACTIVE thinking and taking action controllable by self.

Boundaries- Speaking your truth. Set firm boundaries which allow you to move throughout the world with safety.

Current Reality- Stay in the present. Create internal guidelines that are appropriate for you and that lead you to your goals. Release limiting past beliefs and generalizations that are no longer useful or true.

Determination- Take charge and focus to make changes within yourself that lead to the results you want. Keep going until you come to resolution, understanding or a willingness to move on.

Traditional Grief Model vs. The Natural Sequence

Traditional Stage - Perceptions and Limitaions

Shock/Denial- Deer in the headlights, dissociated, and/or reactive. Refusal to accept facts as reality.

Bargaining- Position of lesser authority. Perception of begging. Wishing something negative didn't happen or that something positive did happen.

Anger- Show of dominance, aggression, and/or revenge. Tactical response to frustration and confusion. Sometimes appropriate, often not.

Fear- Dread, trepidation, and/or uncertainty. Anticipation of worst case scenarios. Debilitating when approached reactively.

Guilt- Tool of manipulation and/or external authority. Method of emotional control highlighted by unfounded rules and secondary gain.

Depression- Hopeless, helpless, and/or worthlessness. Thoughts directed inward as if being defeated. Limited motivation toward the future.

Acceptance- Surrender to the inevitable and/or acquiescence. Often interpreted as recognition of current reality. Illusion of completing the grief process.

Other Possible Phases

Phase - Natural Purpose

Anger- A natural physiological response to a violation of personal values, and to immediate or imminent threats to the physical safety of self and others.

Fear- A physiological response to possible violations of personal values, or possible threats to the physical safety of self and others in the future.

Negotiation- A proactive attempt to avoid or limit additional damage beyond that which has already been done following a trauma or loss.

Basic Natural Sequence

Phase - Natural Purpose

Event- Any occurrence that has an emotional or physical impact on a person, either directly or passively.

Attention- The natural reponse that alerts a person to any relevant change in the environment. Point of conscious awareness. No conclusion is made.

Authentication- This serves as a relevancy challenge to check for fraud, confusion, or misunderstandings about the facts surrounding an event.

Introspection- A person's internal evaluation of an event for which they ask, "How does this event affect me in body, mind, and spirit, now and in the future?"

Understanding- Understanding the physical, emotional, and spiritual cause and effect scenarios of an event. This signals the completion of the grief process.

If you want more information on this subject you can buy "Moving Through Grief with Grace & Dignity" by Allen C. Sargent at this link http://www.mcssl.com/SecureCart/ViewCart.aspx?mid=5DFEF9C2-5D6D-497B-A19E-FA6B5E3973&sctoken=1029ef27e1fa41fb9ecdc8e7d7f541c3&bhcp=1

Natural Grief Processing for All Trauma and Loss

By Al and Marilyn Sargent

Feeling sadness is appropriate when a valuable connection is lost. Experiencing guilt, anger, depression and blame are not a necessary part of the natural grief process. In this workshop you will learn a natural step-by-step pathway to lead you back into a balanced life after a trauma or loss, while having the authentic emotions appropriate for the levels of change you are experiencing.

The intensity of a grief process depends on the depth of our connection to that which has been lost and our ability to process through the experience proactively. Whether the loss is a loved one, a job, a dream, or even a fountain pen, the structure of the grieving process is the same in all situations.

Natural Grief Processing for All Trauma and Loss Events:

1. Event An event happens - there is a change.

2. Attention We become aware of the event or change.

3. Authentication We check out the facts to verify what is actually true.

4. Introspection We turn our thoughts inside, into Introspection, to process

how this event has impacted our life, to decide how to best

move on with our life.

5. Understanding We regain a sense of personal balance and begin to adjust

to life as it is now.

The key to recovering from a grief event is Moving Through Grief with Grace and Dignity, the Way Nature Intended by living a life of balance and connectedness. Discover how to build a legacy that is uniquely your own, help others who are “stuck” in cultural misconceptions and traditional rules, plus develop your inner wisdom and congruency for your life. The human brain provides the answers when we know what questions to ask.

Overcoming Public Speaking

Al and I had a great experience this weekend. Our niece, Tamra Carter, has been in a competition to start her own business for the past nine months. During that competition she expirenced having to overcome limiting beliefs, self sabotage, and fear. She came to us several times throughout the process to work through some of those issues and we shared with her some of our processes that we use to help others to overcome those same issues.

With those processes and her determination to implement them in her life, Tamra shared with us that she felt more confident than before. She continued on with the competition and became one of the top five finalists! As one of the top five finalists the demands on her time, energy, and skills became quite overwhelming as she realized she had even more fears to overcome. It was at that time that Tamra advised us that she wanted to do the last part of the competition mostly on her own, as she knew it would boost her confidence and help her learn self-reliance.

The last month of the competition we watched from afar as Tamra handled every situation in her own way and succeeded to all she put her mind to. Including overcoming one of her biggest fears of overcoming public speaking, which is the most common fear, outranking even death! In order for her to overcome her fear of public speaking she used several of our processes such as;
Creating a Compelling Self-Image
Circle of Excellence
Sargent Phobia Release Process
and more.

She was so excited when she called us the Sunday after the competition to report that not only did she win the competition and a grand prize of $40,000 towards her business, she also gained self confidence and overcame her fear of public speaking. She went on to tell us that she now feels confident that whenever she runs into a situation she now has the tools and the support to overcome obstacles.

Congratulations Tamra and thank you for honoring yourself by finding processes that work for you!

-Al and Marilyn Sargent
www.nlpla.com

The Gateway to the Hidden Treasures of Your Mind

By Allen Sargent

Think of how often we have heard the phrase "I see it in my mind's eye." Imagine how many possibilities will be opened up by understanding your "other mind's eye." When we recall an event with the right hemisphere's "mind's eye" our response will be very different than if we recall it with the left hemisphere's "mind's eye." Each hemisphere of the brain records and recalls useful information. If we consistently utilize the perceptions from only one side of our brain, our choices are limited, often leaving personal issues unresolved. "I have half a mind to..." is another phrase we often hear people use. If this is descriptive of what is actually happening in our thinking process, we may literally be using only half of our potential.

Learning how to have conscious control of which hemispheric image to utilize broadens the range of choices and responses available to us. Additional benefits result from being able to integrate information from both hemispheres when dealing with an issue.